DON'T QUIT.

[[ I wrote this last week but never posted it.. 

   Thought you might still appreciate the thought(: ]]

it's horrible, i know, but i'm sure you catch my drift

good luck, cross strong, and see you on the other sidee pbro^^

we need a picture together, so that i don't post stupid shit like this lawls

formals anyone? (:

[[ MY TURN NEXT WEEK WHEE -_________- ]]

who said you can't buy love.

JK IT'S ACTUALLY TMRW NIGHT, THE 23RD.

sighhh someone come buy me pls :'(

help.

I'm trying.  Honestly.  Make it stop.

S.A.D.

... a.k.a Singles Awareness Day.

Joseph Vincent, word is full of yourself, but don't worry, I still think you're dreamy. Oh my God, that smile... I swear, one day, I'm gonna drive down to UCI just to find you and kiss you on the cheek. Just to say I can and did.

CREEPER THOUGHTS ASIDE, Valentine's Day is officially over. I know I said I wouldn't, but in the end, it's all I can think about. Funny, how a corporate-engineered holiday has come to hold such emotional consequence in our lives.

As substitute for proper celebration, single that I am, I had quaint dinner with two - similarly single - girls. Over good food and amiable atmosphere, we gossiped and giggled like we would any other day, as conversation, almost inevitably, eroded slowly down to the mindless topic of boys.  Interestingly enough however, the tenor to our anecdotes was noticeably different this time around.  As our focus shifted slowly from present states of mind to past, our expressions consisted less of crooked smiles and slanting gazes, and more wistful words trailing in muted voices.  Haltingly, we began to recount our escapades of the past year and a half, and as the stories picked up speed, there grew a curious undercurrent of melancholy to our dialogue. What was this nostalgia, us not yet even 20 years into life, that plagued us? It was the first time in a while that we'd actually stopped to consider just how far we'd come; college, we realized, had so far been a chillingly corrupting experience.  Oh, to be worldly: our youth is the ever-constant battle between pressing needs and beguiling ignorance.

In sum, it was two hours until talk finally whittled down to arbitrary silent stretches of bittersweet contemplation. And then all that was left to do was rush home, shivering and alone.

I'm being honest when I say I've long since stopped looking. I'm well aware that I'm really not cut out for sentimentality and commitments. This shouldn't bother me, and usually, it doesn't.  Really, it doesn't.  But when you live in an environment dominated by late teens and twenty-somethings - brash, hot-blooded young creatures, us college students - it's hard to ignore the blatant reminders of what you're currently missing out on.

It's hard not to wonder what life would be like otherwise.  Ah, life.  When can we ever be wholly content?

weather's been bipolar lately.

But I really can't say I'm complaining.

there are just some days

... when everything seems to work against you. There are days when Lady Luck is on PMS, and Fate is given free rein to have a field day with Murphy's Law. On a day like this, the proper course of action would have been to stay in, speak less, and do as is expected. Lay low; try not to catch notice. But let's be real here: I never go unnoticed. And of course, I, the idiot with an agonizing lack of intuition, would lack the foresight to take it easy, to scale it back a couple notches so that I don't get myself into trouble. Me being me, I did the exact opposite.

So look where it got me: at my desk, alone, stuffing myself with comfort food, unable to look at Facebook lest I see offending names, and angry blogging.  For all that one can tell, I just got dumped.  If only it were that simple.

The funny thing is that, at the heart of it, I think I'm mostly angry at myself.  I'm upset, guilty, a little humiliated, frustrated, surly, and resentful.  But beyond that, I'm also angry at the world, for making me this way.  It drives me crazy - both the mistakes I made, and the fact that what I do is considered mistaken.  The further I go in life, the more I'm forced to face the fact that to make it in this world, I have to conform.  It's so suffocating, to be wrong.

illness or no

...I think this past weekend was just the medicine I needed, both for body and soul. Enjoying balmy 65 degree weather, spending quality girl time, staying in at night and baking brownies, and sleeping at normal hours... Soo refreshing(:

who needs instagram

...when you've got a true blue Polaroid camera and Photoshop?  +10 hipster points for mee~

Saturday Gourmet Ghetto adventure with my girlss ♥  I could swear the world glowed that afternoon: the sunny atmosphere couldn't have been more perfect. It was Gregoire's for lunch; two delicious sandwiches split (a bit unsuccessfully) between the three of us.  The tiny place has definitely become an all-time favorite of mine here at Berkeley; I've yet to be disappointed by the food I get there. While I'm not sure I have the stomach to drop $20 for dinner, lunch is always an affordable culinary delight. If it wasn't so far away from where I live, I'd go far more often, sampling everything on the menu before it makes its monthly change.  

For dessert, we walked a block to Masse's Pastries, hands down one of the cutest bakeries I've ever been to. Masse's is one of the only local bakeries I know of that makes macaroons, and just for Valentine's Day, it had special pink heart-shaped macaroons for sale. Call me an idiot, but I fell in love instantly. If you know anything about me, I have a weakness for cafes and bakeries, and this place, with its cozy decor, fresh flower bouquets, grandmotherly service, and some of the prettiest cakes and confections I've ever seen, simply stole my heart away.   

We ordered macaroons and a mango mousse to share, and then the three of us proceeded to spend the next hour or so taking pictures and savoring the sugary goodness. 

Uhh, idk what Nina's doing LOL.

Mango Mousse!  Positively divine: if heaven has a taste, this is it.

Def adding "Polaroid Camera" to my way-too-long college wishlist.

SIGHH.  Why can't I just have everything I want? :<

breathe in, breathe out.

Let go.  Who'd have thought it'd be this easy?

I miss summer and fabric that merely pretends to be functional.

Major girl-crush on Rihanna beeteedubs.  Add Camilla Akrans to the mix, and I'm in love.

it's the same old games.

Just different names.