blonde moment.

break me into pieces

... and stitch me back together again, point by titillating point.  What is it like then, to die and be reborn?

TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

...and take two healthy steps back.  There we go.

FREUDIAN SLIP.

Fate has a horrible sense of humor.

the chase is over.

It was more my mistake than yours, but I'm over it, nonetheless. I'm sorry I'm like this.

it's so fucked up

...isn't it, that I get bored this easily?

live, laugh, love.

For all that I bitch about it, I fucking love my school.

oh, these sophisticated times.

Irony and complications.  Our stupid contradictions.

Now the challenge is how to plot them out in words.

would that this moment last forever.

There is no warmth that matches that of another person, no comfort that can really compare to a shoulder to rest your head upon.  And when you're so cold you can't feel your fingers or the tip of your nose, it's not so bad, so long as there's someone else to cling to.

But how to recreate that?  How to reach your happy place - and not one step farther - the swirling giddiness that slowly polishes off to a sleek, careless haze.  To lose reason, so perfectly, that you can talk and tease and laugh out loud, and yet still have wits enough to follow what is being said.  Revel in that close proximity, after having lost your fear of being close.  You wish with all the rationality you have left, even as you glow with besotted impetuosity, that what you have now is not so fleeting.  Because no matter how much alcohol fogs your brain, you can feel on some intuitive level that this spell is quietly slipping past your awareness as the night draws to a close.  And then all you'll have left is all that you can remember.

There is nothing quite like being in someone's arms, limbs intertwined, when your heart is entangled, too.  

I WAS WAITING

... and you came through.  Throw all money on the table, stare down the spinning die, and wish upon what stars will fall.  No regrets.

Let's see what this semester brings.

oh my god.

I'm gonna die.

it's been half a year.

Half a year of listening to your shit about ex-es and flings; half a year of being led on, dropped, and led on again.  6 month long rollercoaster of emotion.  I tell myself to stop, to get a grip, and just when I think I'm oh so close to that DGAF point... you deign to speak to me.  And then my heart stops and I die inside and all rational thought just vaporizes.

I'm sorry. I stopped the conversation abruptly, because I'm too scared to talk anymore.

Boy, you better feel fucking special, because I don't make strong emotional commitments easily.  You make me feel like I'm 16 and vulnerable again.  I don't like it at all.

NEW MACBOOK PRO.

...and this is the background.

More Camilla Akrans ♥  Anybody would think I'm lesbian, judging from the amount of time I spend looking at pictures of beautiful girls.  But honestly, I just wish that I was sexy as fuck, and that I too could stalk Parisian sidewalks half-naked and proud.  Shallow of me, yes, and maybe a little trashy, but I'm not the least bit sorry about it.  

Partied Ke$ha style Saturday night.  Still recovering.

What to think what to think what to think.

I feel restless and indecisive. 

LET'S NOT...

question what we have now, at least for a few more days. Please?
Stop thinking; shut your conscience down.

A fluttering heartbeat, the rasp of heavy breath. Oh, the curious symptoms we suffer.

last year on earth.

by Camilla Akrans

So according to the Mayan calendar, we have 354 days left to enjoy life before the world as we know it will end. No pressure.

Regardless, I might as well make my time worthwhile. So here is a list of resolutions - or a bucket list, if you really do subscribe to hocus pocus - for the year 2012:

1. Stop bullshitting. I'm sick of regretting things that I simply half-assed. Maybe I should have carpe diem tattooed on my butt or something.  
2. Stay true to myself. Given how I've changed, I'm not really sure what that means anymore. At the very least, though, I won't pretend to be someone I'm not.
3. Follow dreams. Even though I don't know exactly what I want yet, I will continue to pursue happyness. Eschew all doubts and fears; never settle for second best. You're better than that.
4. 4.0+ grade point average. Time to save my college career from the depths of failure.
5. Be a good pledge. Let's finish strong: do things right, do them on time, and think of your psisses, always. Remember that you're supposed to love them.
6. Work hard. Good reference letters come from happy managers; happy managers feed off your blood, sweat, and tears. It sucks, but it's the muhfuckin truth.
7. Lose weight. Always the hardest one.
8. Manage finances better. Cut back on impulse spending, stupidhead.
9. Stop procrastinating. Stop waiting for something better to come your way; get up and find it. The moment is now... I really should get a carpe diem tattoo. Man, they're soo cliche though.
10. Stay positive.  Defy that resting bitch face and convince people that you really are nice.  Smile!  It makes a difference(: 

Veni, Vidi, Vici.

MAYBE I'M JUST A FOOL IN LOVE.

Do you think of me as much as I think of you? Talk to me, whisper in my ear; all I can think about are the nights I fell asleep to the sound of your voice.

...not that it means anything.  Really.

DETOX.

orange juice.  water.  sleep.
for days.

we'll talk later.